


Whisper it softly, I'm yours

by skipper



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon, Love, M/M, Male Slash, Mpreg, Romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-04-06
Updated: 2014-04-10
Packaged: 2018-01-18 08:04:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 12,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1420783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skipper/pseuds/skipper
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>One minute turns to hours, hours to days, until months have passed, time continuing always. Louis and Harry's lives began to turn at a different pace, surprises coming in the form of a baby. And whether or not they're ready, parenthood is coming, one month at a time.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. July

**Author's Note:**

> This was prompted over at livejournal in the 1D [kinkmeme](http://1dkinkmeme.livejournal.com/5001.html?thread=4940425). I started it far too long ago, and I'm finishing it up now.

Louis first gets sick in July. They’re on a break and he’s home with his mum and sisters, while Harry’s off on a cruise with his own family. Three weeks with no contact is a long time, so Louis attributes it to that. But when it happens the next morning, and the one after, he fears he might’ve come down with something with more of an explanation than loneliness. 

“Louis,” his mum calls and Louis pulls himself from his crouched position in front of the toilet. His hands are shaking as he pulls the paper to wipe the lingering bile from his lips. He closes his eyes to ease the vertigo that lingers, but like the morning before, once it passes, he feels better. 

“Yeah,” he calls back. He hurriedly brushes his teeth and runs a wet hand through his hair, mussing it up. His stomach starts to growl and Louis shakes his head, hoping it won’t mean he’ll be sick again later. He hears his mother’s voice a second time and stumbles down the stairs, wary of the toys lingering about. 

“I’m here,” he announces, his eyes searching for the source of the smell. He leans his head over his mother’s shoulder, eyeing the eggs in the pan, his stomach growling again. 

“You alright,” she asked, glancing back to him. Louis considers deferring, but he can see that she’d heard him that morning.

“Yeah, yeah,” he leans against the counter, taking a bite of the toast, uncaring for who it might belong to, “m’fine.” 

“That’s the third time this week,” she counters and Louis stops himself from rolling his eyes. He glances around, but he knows his sisters are off doing whatever they do. He’d lost track of their schedule, despite being home for the last three weeks. 

“No worries,” he sighs, taking the plate of eggs she hands to him. “I feel fine now,” he confirms with a nod, rubbing his stomach for emphasis. She sighs and rolls her eyes, taking the rest of the toast from Louis’ plate. 

Louis doesn’t get sick the following morning and she doesn’t bring it up again. 


	2. August

“Come ‘ere,” Harry mumbles into Louis’ hair. He sighs into the embrace, relieved to finally be back in his arms. Twenty-five days with no physical contact is too much, and Louis almost feels overwhelmed with it. 

“Missed you,” Louis murmurs. His lips fall wetly against Harry’s skin. Harry nods, groaning as Louis raises his shirt, his mouth finding the bare skin of his chest. His tongue finds each of his nipples and Harry squirms when he finds the ticklish one. 

“We should just go to bed,” Harry says after a moment, leaning up on his elbows from the edge of the couch. 

“It’s two o’clock,” Louis mumbles against his stomach, his hands working the button of his jeans. “Do you want me to stop?” he slows his movements, his thumb tracing the edge of Harry’s zipper as Louis lifts his gaze. 

“No,” Harry gasps, pushing his hips up against Louis’ hand. Louis climbs over Harry’s body, his legs on either side of his hips, and searches out his mouth. 

“Want you to fuck me,” Louis says, feeling Harry pant against his lips. “Been aching for it for days,” he continues, pressing his hips down into Harry. 

“Yeah, yeah.” Harry nods, “Me too.” Harry wraps an arm around Louis’ waist and shifts them, stumbling as he brings Louis onto his back. He reaches for Louis trousers, pulling them desperately down his thighs without unbuttoning the waist. 

Louis arches into Harry’s less than gentle touch, feeling everything he’s been missing for the last month. Harry’s mouth is everywhere his hands aren’t and Louis closes his eyes, groaning at the multitude of sensations. Then suddenly Harry is gone and Louis opens his eyes in haste, but finds Harry groaning beside him. 

“Hey,” Niall is grinning from the doorway, with a blushing Liam right behind him. “What’cha doing?” 

“I told you we should phone first,” Liam mutters. Louis rolls his eyes at the giggle behind Liam and knows Danielle is in attendance as well. 

“Sorry lads,” she calls. Louis pulls his legs from Harry and shuffles to pull his trousers back up his thighs. He dares a glance to Harry, but he looks unapologetic as he stands. 

“See you later,” he grins as he yanks Louis’ arm, pulling him to stand without letting him button his waistband. 

“So we should’ve found the bedroom,” Louis chuckles as Harry slips his fingers between Louis’, leading him the direction of their room. Harry locks the door behind him, and Louis watches him, taking in the flush of his cheek, the way his eyes stare over at Louis. 

Harry walks to him, and Louis falls under his touch, every press of Harry’s fingers is remarkable until he has him pressed back into the bed. With their clothes quickly discarded, Harry’s fingers trail along the bare skin, his lips meeting Louis’ for a rough kiss, and tongues wet and desperate. 

“When’d you get off last?” Harry whispers against his lips. 

“This morning,” Louis mumbles, remembering being this bed just waiting for Harry to return. The fingers slide down the length of his cock, then finding where he’d fingered himself open that morning. 

“M’gonna,” Harry stutters as his fingers slide into Louis, still wet from the lube that he didn’t clean up. Louis nods, spreading his legs, groaning loudly as Harry shifts quickly between them. The first press makes Louis arch into, overtaken with need. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Louis whispers, his hands hooked around Harry’s biceps, feeling each flex of his arms as he slowly slides into him. He opens his eyes, watching Harry, his eyes closed so tight, as though savoring the sensations. 

It’s going to be messy and Louis knows he should care about the people downstairs, but he can’t. Every press of Harry’s hips against him is nearly overwhelming, and he knows how much he missed him, how much he loves him. A gasp leaves his throat and Louis throws a hand over his eyes in surprise, his eyes tearing despite his resistance. 

“Lou,” Harry pants, lowering his body against him. “Louis, are you okay?” He slows his movements, starts to pull out but Louis doesn’t want him to.

“No, don’t stop,” he whispers, keeping his hand over his face. A tear slides down the side of his face and he feels foolish, but he doesn’t want him to stop, doesn’t want to let go. He certainly doesn’t want to know, for God sakes, why he’s crying like a child. 

Harry presses kisses across his chest, his movement slow and languid, and Louis almost laughs. He knows Harry thinks he’s in pain, when it’s the opposite, but he can’t pull his hand from his face. Louis can’t open his eyes, for fear more tears will fall. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. 

“Love you,” Harry murmurs, “so much.” Louis nods because he can’t speak. There’s a sob stuck in his throat and he can’t let it escape. He wraps his free hand around Harry’s neck, his fingers digging into his scalp as Harry stops kissing. Louis knows it won’t be long now, and feels the same coiling in his stomach. 

“Fuck,” he groans softly, his back arching as Harry pushes in just right. His hand falls from his face, “yes, love you, love,” he pants as he finishes, streaking cum across his stomach. Harry’s lips fall against his chin until his hips press firmly into Louis, whimpers ghosting across Louis’ skin as he finds his release. 

“Lou?” Harry whispers, pulling from his body. Louis looks down at him and Harry stares in confusion, “babe, are you crying?” 

“No,” Louis shakes his head indignantly. He roughly wipes at his cheeks, and closes his eyes, relieved most of the tears dried into his skin. He pulls from Harry and slides up the bed to the pillows, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“Are-are you okay?” Harry asks softly. He grabs one of the discarded shirts and Louis sighs when Harry wipes his stomach clean. “Lou, look at me,” Harry urges and Louis slowly meets his gaze, biting his lip. “I thought you were okay,” Harry says gently, his fingers wrapping around Louis’ hand, pulling it towards him, “I didn’t, I mean, you know… I didn’t.” 

“It didn’t hurt,” Louis sits up, shifting carefully on his bum. He feels his chest growing tight all over again and he can’t control the catch in his throat when he tries to speak, “I just missed you, I don’t know… fuck, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” 

“It’s okay,” Harry laughs and Louis rolls his eyes, scoffing as he wipes at his eyes. “I love you too,” he murmurs, curling against Louis’ side. 

His head falls against Louis’ shoulder and Louis sighs as he presses soft kisses into his skin. 

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he says again. He tries not to think of the ongoing sickness, suddenly worried about being ill in front of Harry. It hadn’t happened in a few days, almost a week, he thinks, so maybe it’s all over. 

“Should we go out there?” Louis asks after a while. Harry shakes his head no, laughing evilly and Louis nods, he doesn’t want to deal with them either. In a matter of weeks, they’re going to be all stuck together again anyway; he just wants to be with Harry for a while. 

 

Their weeks of bliss are short lived as unplanned interviews come up just two weeks after arriving home. Louis tries not to care, and normally he wouldn’t, but he feels like no one cares. Harry’s great about it, and so is everyone else, but Louis continues to sulk between each one, only smiling when he’s in front of the camera. 

“Come on,” Harry urges, rubbing his back. Louis doesn’t want to admit how good that feels, how much he needs Harry’s touch. “You’ve got to snap out of this.” 

“I know,” Louis grumbles. His stomach starts to growl and he mumbles a need for food, making Harry laugh and shake his head. 

“They’ll be here soon,” Louis nods, and leans back into Harry, closing his eyes to relax. “And they’re here,” Harry says after only a moment. Louis opens his eyes and spots caterers arriving, and he can instantly smell the food.

“I think I smell burgers,” Louis says with a smile. He pulls Harry up with him, but stops as another cart enters. It’s onions, it has to be onions, but Louis can’t breathe over the smell. He hasn’t gotten sick in days now, not since before coming home, except for those times Harry didn’t hear, those don’t count. It’s suddenly all he can think about, his stomach turning faster than it has before. 

“Lou?” Harry whispers, but Louis shakes his head. His eyes flicker, but he can’t remember where the toilet is. He can’t open his mouth, feeling it come already, and he has to cover it with his hand. His eyes grow wide, and he feels tears of shame. “There,” Harry says quickly, pulling Louis’ arm. 

They find the toilet, Harry coming in behind Louis as he falls to his knees. Only acidy water comes up, followed by dry heave after dry heave. Scattered tears move down his cheeks, but the heaves won’t stop. The smell lingers in his nostrils, it won’t leave. Louis feels so crummy, worse than he’s felt, and he doesn’t know if it’s embarrassment or if he’s turned into a fucking child, but he starts to cry. 

“Come on,” Harry urges, his hand smooth across his back. “What’s going on?” Louis shakes his head, he doesn’t know, he doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. His heaves slow to a stop until he’s only hyperventilating, unable to fully calm. 

“I don’t know, don’t know,” Louis murmurs when he can speak again. He grabs some of the toilet paper and roughly wipes at his mouth and then his wet cheeks. 

“It’s alright,” Harry says gently, pulling him back into his chest. He wraps his hand around Louis’ forehead, “you’re not hot.” 

“I thought this was over,” Louis groans, wanting to pull away, but not from Harry. Harry stares down questioningly, and Louis elaborates, “I kept getting sick at my mums', but sort of a bit since I came home. This feels just like that.” 

“Let’s call the doctor then,” Harry says firmly, and Louis can see the hurt that he didn’t tell him sooner. Louis wants to argue, but with the look in Harry’s eyes, he knows better. Harry helps him stand, but like before, once he stands, he feels fine all over again. 

“I’m okay now,” Louis nods. They step outside the room, and Louis rolls his eyes as Liam’s sitting on the floor by the door. He quickly stands, his eyes flickering between Louis and Harry. 

“What’s going on?” he glances to his watch and back up, “are you ill?” Louis starts to say no, but Harry speaks for him. 

“Yes,” he nods. Louis starts to walk forward, but he smells the onions again. His settled stomach starts to churn all over again, and he shakes his head. “We’ll have to reschedule or do it without Lou,” Harry continues and Louis nods, not fighting it any longer. 

 

The following afternoon, Harry leads Louis into the private clinic they’ve found. He’s not sure how, but Louis didn’t bother to ask; only listening as Paul gave them the address the previous evening. He waits in the empty waiting room, while they go inside with Harry’s hand wrapped firmly around Louis’. 

Louis sits through the vitals and questions, waiting for them to tell him he’s fine, which he’s sure he is. The doctor is younger than expected, but Louis finds relief, as though he might be able to explain how he’s been feeling better. When it comes time for the exam, the doctor insists on talking to Louis alone. 

“We’ll call you back in a minute,” he assures Harry. Harry’s angry, but Louis doesn’t want to fight the doctor’s wishes. As soon as Harry leaves, a nurse comes in the room with a cup in hand. 

“What’s this?” Louis asks quickly. 

“We have a final test,” the doctor says easily, “just have a go in that, and come back in.” Louis nods, walking into the bathroom the nurse points him to. When he returns, the nurse doesn’t follow, instead taking the sample in another direction. 

“What’s that for?” Louis asks uneasily. The doctor sighs and Louis fears what’s coming, doesn’t have an explanation and he wishes Harry could’ve stayed. 

“Have you had any sensitivity in your chest?” the doctor asks gently. Louis shrugs, and then shakes his head, he hasn’t noticed any. “What about anywhere else, any unexplained tenderness?”

“Don’t think so, just the sickness and crying all the bloody time,” Louis growls in annoyance. “Doc, what’s going on?” 

“Have you heard of the Shakerman’s Initiative?” he asks, speaking carefully. Louis nods, but then shakes his head, he’s heard of it, but doesn’t know what it was. It’s something with the politics or something that he carefully ignores. 

“It’s the right to healthcare for men,” he explains, “in a delicate position.” The nurse enters before he can say more and without looking to Louis, gives the doctor a quick nod. “Louis, the initiative is for men with the Shakerman’s Gene R1-19, do you know what that is?” 

“The-the, yeah,” Louis nods, his eyes flickering rapidly across the room. “But I don’t, I mean, I-”

“Without the genetic testing, not for sure, but I’m pretty sure you do,” he says gently. Louis shakes his head, “I had my nurse run a pregnancy test, Louis, and it came out positive.”

“I’m not,” Louis whispers, shaking his head. “Nononono,” he mumbles, recalling when his mum was pregnant with his sisters, the sickness, the crying, the moods, no. “No,” he manages to speak.

“Louis,” the doctor says gently, and Louis lifts his head, staring at him. His eyes fill with tears, and this time he doesn’t fight them. “Louis, I-” 

“I’m pregnant.” 


	3. September

Louis sits on the hotel bed, the laptop in front of him, and various papers surrounding him as he tries to figure out what he’s going to do. It’s been two weeks since he left the doctor’s, and he still hadn’t been able to utter the words again. 

Harry doesn’t know. Louis doesn’t know how to tell him the unbelievable. Sure they stopped using condoms in June, after they’d been tested and proved clean, but never in his lifetime did he think he had a reason to fear this,  _ a baby _ . 

Every waking hour he’s been researching, learning everything he can about this bloody gene that apparently he has. Sure he heard about the male pregnancy every once in a while, but it was among others. They weren’t praised, they were shunned, people you didn’t talk to, didn’t communicate with, people not like Louis. 

From what he learned, this is actually more common that he realized, but, it seems, most of the pregnancies were either miscarried or destroyed. The doctor had been clear about his options, giving Louis time to choose. It was an awful choice, one he wants to make with Harry, if he can finally utter the words. 

When he’d left the office, he’d stated exhaustion as his reason; malnutrition the doctor said he could say. So Harry had been taking care of him, making sure he ate three times a day, giving him fruit and making sure he had vegetables. It was all enough to make Louis start crying all over, but he holds back the tears, he’s been crying enough as it is. 

“Lou?” he hears Harry’s voice through the adjoining door. Louis shuffles around on the bed, trying to hide all the paperwork he’s collected. He shoves into the back of his suitcase, shutting his laptop before stumbling towards the door. Harry knocks again and Louis sighs as he opens it, trying to calm his nerves. 

“Hey,” Louis says gently. Things have been awkward, to say the least, and he knows it’s him, and he knows Harry’s hurting, but he can’t find a way to fix it. 

“Can I stay here tonight?” Harry asks softly. Louis nods, closing his eyes, because he knows before all this, Harry never would’ve asked before. He would’ve just stayed. 

“We should talk,” Louis finds himself saying. Harry’s eyes grow wide, his body stiffening, and Louis can’t reach out to him. His hands tremble as he lets the door fall shut behind them, but neither move further inside the room. 

“Lou?” Harry whispers, and Louis finds his eyes, fear covering his features. He wants to reach for him, but Louis suddenly can’t remember the last time they’ve kissed, or touched, let alone had a decent conversation. He knows what Harry’s thinking, and he quickly shakes his head. 

“I have to tell you something,” he says slowly, his hands press against his stomach and he quickly drops them. Louis walks over to his suitcase and pulls out the papers, pulling a stapled bunch from the top of the stack. He turns and finds Harry still standing in the center of the room, unmoving. “Sit,” Louis begs him and Harry nods. 

Louis watches him cross the room, carefully sitting at the edge of the bed. Louis comes over to him and he can’t hide the shake of his hands as he struggles to find the right words. He doesn’t know what to think, what to expect, and it terrifies him. 

“Will you take a look at these?” he asks, setting the papers next to Harry. Louis slowly sits beside him and Harry looks down, taking the papers in his hand. Louis can hear him gulp and he has nothing to appease his worries. 

“What-uh, what does this mean?” Harry asks softly. He lifts his head, slowly shaking it in confusion, “Why are you..?” 

“I have this gene,” he says slowly, trying to get the right words out. He forces his hands to calm as he turns the first page over, knowing what it says on the second page, the explanation of what the gene is.

“Louis,” Harry shakes his head, more vigorously now, staring down at the page. “How, uh, I mean, are you…?” 

“Yeah,” Louis breathes out. He stares at the floor, the sight blurring under the unshed tears, but he can’t look at him. 

“When?” Harry whispers. Louis dares to lift his gaze, but shrinks back at the anger in Harry’s eyes. “When did this happen?” 

“I don’t know,” he says slowly, “when we get back in two weeks, I go for an ultrasound.” Louis speaks slowly, trying to gauge Harry’s irritation. 

“It’s when I was out of town,” Harry says slowly. Louis’ mouth falls open in surprise, not willing to take where this is going, “who was it, Lou?” 

“What do you mean?” He can’t breathe properly, “It’s yours.” Harry continues to shake his head, his eyes closing and Louis can see his anger falling into something he understands. 

“No, no, no,” Harry whispers, “I can’t, no… this isn’t.” He stands up and walks forward, turning around suddenly, “I didn’t sign up for this.” 

“You think I did?” Louis yells suddenly, everything he’s been feeling for the past weeks falling out of him. “So what? What’re you going to do?” 

“No, you have to-”

“Don’t you dare,” Louis hisses, stepping towards him. He knows Harry doesn’t mean it, he wouldn’t think that way normally. 

“What about me? The band?” Harry whispers, “What are people going to say? What about your mum, did you tell her?” 

“No,” Louis murmurs, shrinking back at the thought, “I had to tell you first.” Harry’s eyes grow wide and he steps towards him, but he won’t touch Louis, as though he’s dirty now, shameful. 

“I can’t,” Harry whispers, lifting his eyes but though won’t meet Louis’. He reaches his hands up to his face, and Louis can see how much they’re shaking. He wants to comfort him, but he wants the comfort just as much, “I just, I can’t be a part of this… I don’t-I can’t.” 

“Haz,” Louis manages to speak, “No.” His throat is tight, his eyes filling with tears, and when they start to fall, Harry backs away. Louis watches as he finds the door, and he looks regretful, but it doesn’t stop him from exiting, leaving Louis completely alone. 

Louis falls back onto the bed. He lets the tears falls, his entire body aching. He can’t comprehend what just happened, it’s far worse than he could have anticipated. His eyes close and he urges himself to sleep, to forget all of this, wanting to forget everything that’s happening to him, everything he’s lost control of. 

Louis wakes at the feel of someone close, and his eyes jerk open at the sound of something crinkling. He gasps at the sight of Niall, holding the wretched paper, but it’s too late to pull it back. It’s obvious that he’s read it, he knows what it says, knows what Louis has done. 

“Ni,” he whispers, his voice hoarse from tears. Niall looks at him sympathetically, and nods, climbing over the edge of the bed towards him. 

“Harry’s been crying for hours,” he says softly, pulling Louis’ head into his lap. His fingers move through his hair and Louis closes his eyes, preparing for more tears, but they don’t come. “I knew you had to be broken up… I guess I didn’t expect this.” 

“I didn’t mean to,” Louis speaks, shaking his head. “I never meant for any of this. I don’t know what to do, I don’t…” 

“My cousin’s got it,” Niall says after a long silence. “That gene,” he clarifies without needing to, “you gonna keep it, Lou?”

“I didn’t think I would,” he whispers, recalls the way Harry had started to say it, “I don’t think… I can’t get rid of it.” 

“That’s good,” Niall says, his voice firm with his conviction. “My cousin, he didn’t, see… hasn’t been the same since. I don’t think you’d be the same either.” 

“Everyone will know,” Louis breathes out. “And Harry… he doesn’t, he-he…”

“He’ll come around, Lou,” Niall urges him to listen, “He will. It won’t take long, but he’s just scared, like you. He can’t ever get rid of you.” 

“He did, though,” Louis whispers, “we’re finally together… this happens.” Louis opens his eyes and stares down, realizing where his hands are cupping his stomach. He suddenly realizes he doesn’t want to let go, despite Harry not being there. 

“You need to tell Liam and Zayn, though,” Niall says after a few moments. “I can, if you want me to, but they have a right to know, too.” 

“What if…?” Louis can’t speak the words. Niall sighs darkly and shakes his head, and Louis nods, understanding. 

“You’ve got me,” Niall says firmly, gently patting Louis’ back. “And you’ve got Harry, he’ll come around… I’ll make sure of it.” 

Louis doesn’t say anything more, closing his eyes to the feel of Niall’s fingers over his scalp. It’s calming him, though his pain hasn’t faded, he can drift knowing he’s not completely alone, at least for now. 

 

“So you’re…” Liam gasps and Louis nods, grateful he can pass around the paper. It’s only been a matter of hours since telling Harry, but Niall was right, they deserved to know. He still hasn’t said the words and still doesn’t know how. Zayn just stares and Louis knows he spent the night with Harry, calming him when Louis isn’t allowed to anymore. 

“Yeah,” Louis croaks. 

“That’s why Harry…” he murmurs and Louis nods again. “And you’re keeping it?” Liam asks and Louis nods again, feeling firmer in his decision than he had the night before. 

“What about the band?” Zayn asks. Louis drops his gaze; he doesn’t have an answer for that. He doesn’t want to leave, but he’s realizes if it came down to it, he would. 

“What about me?” Louis turns to see Harry standing in the doorway, his eyes red and dark, where he obviously hasn’t slept much. 

“I’ll do it on my own,” Louis says slowly. He licks his lips and closes his eyes, “you don’t have to, I mean, this is me… I don’t.” 

“No,” Harry says again, “would you leave me?” Louis opens his eyes, quick as he stares, his breath caught as he shakes his head no. He looks to see Liam and Zayn darting out of the door, leaving them alone.

“You-you already did,” he manages to speak. His throat is tight and he fights the tears, but knows they’re coming, “you left me.”

Harry walks towards him, his pants hanging low on his hips, and Louis can’t stop the arousal that curls in his stomach. He’d read that could happen, but never expected it to come on so quickly, when he’s hurting so much. He licks his lips, watching as Harry approaches and climbs in his lap, and Louis can’t stop him, can’t stop his hands from wrapping around him. 

“Don’t leave me,” Harry gasps, pressing his lips to Louis’ throat. His arms wrap around Louis’ shoulder, holding him close. “I can’t lose you.” 

“What about… what about the baby?” Louis finally manages to say. The mixture of fear and arousal and pain and sadness is so strong, and he can’t figure out what to focus on. Harry doesn’t stop kissing him, his lips heavy on his skin and Louis knows he’s searching for his lips. 

“I…I don’t know,” Harry stops moving, slowly pulling back. Louis reaches, slowly cupping his jaw and hates pulling back. 

“You have to choose, Haz,” Louis says, trying not to crumple under his unwavering gaze, “I think I’m going to do this. Y-you have to choose.” 

“I’m only eighteen,” Harry whispers and Louis nods. “Can’t I just have you right now?” Louis bites his lips and closes his eyes; he shakes his head no, because it’s the truth. 

“You have to choose,” Louis repeats, his voice thick, barely able to say it. He can’t bear the thought of Harry leaving for good, but he can’t have him halfway either.

“I’m not ready to be a dad,” Harry whispers, his first acknowledgment to Louis. “I’m not ready for this, Lou, I’m not…” 

“I’m not either,” Louis admits softly. Harry nods, his forehead falling against Louis’, “but I’m going to try. Will-will you try with me?” 

“Yeah,” Harry breathes. “I’m so, I don’t… yeah, I’ll try.” Harry leans forward, but Louis can’t kiss him, can’t feel his lips when he knows Harry isn’t sure. 

Harry slides off his lap and Louis is surprised when he moves to his side. His eyes flicker up once before glancing towards Louis stomach, his fingers tentative as they raise his shirt. There’s nothing to see, Louis knows this already, but Harry’s moving his fingers across the skin. 

“It feels hard,” Louis murmurs. “That’s all I can feel so far,” he watches Harry’s fingers push against it and wishes he knew more what to say, but he’s so lost. 

“You’re really pregnant,” Harry manages and Louis nods, releasing a low chuckle. “There’s a baby,” Harry whispers, his voice cracking. Louis wraps an arm around his shoulder, pulling him back over his lap and into his chest, and he feels Harry slowly break down.

“I’m sorry,” Louis murmurs, “I’m so sorry.”

“Me too,” Harry gasps. “I’m here, I’m not going anywhere.” Louis urges him to lift his head, he needs to see him. 

“You can’t break this promise,” Louis begs him. Harry nods and surges forward, pressing his lips to Louis. As his tongue dips inside his mouth, Louis feels that arousal grow all over again, until he’s gripping Harry, pulling him as close as he can. 

“I promise,” Harry mumbles into his skin. Louis’ hands slide down his back, until his fingers dip beneath the waist of Harry’s pajamas, pulling their hips together. “Are you sure?” he manages to speak, his hips stuttering against Louis. 

“Yeah, yeah,” he nods, “need you.” 

“Is it okay?” Harry whispers, his hands on Louis’ forearms to stop his actions. His eyes flicker to Louis’ stomach, “I don’t want to-” 

“What?” Louis groans quietly, “why? It’ll be fine.” 

“Who says?” Harry asks softly. “Did you ask the doctor?” 

“No, but-”

“We’ll ask then,” Harry says with a nod. 

“That’s not for two weeks,” Louis cries out, shrinking back when Harry bursts into laughter despite everything that’s happened. 

“Do you want me to blow you?” Harry asks. Louis rolls his eyes and scoffs, forcing Harry to slide off his lap. 

“No, I’m mad at you now,” Louis mumbles, crossing his arms over his chest. 

“No, you’re not,” Harry retorts. He slips his fingers between Louis’ and slowly pulling his hand into his lap. “But no sex until we ask the doctor.” 

“Haz?” Louis murmurs, feeling tears fill his eyes. His emotions have been up and down for days, and this is no exception, “you really going to stay with me? Do this all with me?” 

“Yeah,” Harry says quietly, but Louis can hear the conviction, knows he’s not leaving now. “I’m really scared, though, Lou.” Louis sucks in a breath, knowing he feels the same way, “I mean, what’s everyone going to say about us now? What about our parents?”

“I don’t want to tell her,” Louis responds, shaking his head. “I just want to be in this little cocoon where no one has to know.”

“Lou,” Harry says softly but Louis pulls back, staring at him. 

“I don’t know what to do,” Louis stares at him, aching for Harry to tell him, but Louis knows he’s just as lost, “I can’t do this alone.” 

“You’re not going to,” Harry lets his head fall against Louis’ chest, releasing long deep breaths. “You’re not going to.”

 

Despite Harry’s promise, it doesn’t ease the tension between them. Louis is scared, Harry’s scared, and despite having the others know, it doesn’t fix anything. Liam wants him to tell management, but Louis insists on waiting. While Niall agrees with Louis, Zayn agrees with Liam, and it’s this giant divider between all of them. 

Harry stays in Louis’ room when he’s got his own, and they’re pretty much only sharing anymore anyway. They don’t talk about it, though, and Louis isn’t sure if he’s relieved or not. He still talks to his mum nearly every night, but he can’t tell her what’s growing inside of him. He’s terrified that someone else will find out and tell her first, but he can’t tell her himself. 

“We’ll drive there,” Harry says after Louis hangs up. Louis looks up, biting his lip so he won’t cry, he’s so sick of crying, but he can’t seem to control it. “After the ultrasound, okay?” 

“Yeah,” Louis nods, turning his face into Harry’s neck, fearing the appointment coming in two days. Harry holds him carefully, the only way he does anymore. It’s not that Louis is fragile, but that Harry doesn’t know how to touch him anymore. 

“We’ll do this together,” Harry manages to say and Louis breathes against his skin, taking in whatever comfort he can find. 

“Maybe tell your mum we’re coming,” Louis manages, knowing what it means, “We’ll do it all at once.” 

“Like a band-aid,” Harry murmurs and Louis nods. It hurts, the fear, it’s crippling at times, and even though he still has Harry, it’s not the same. He doesn’t know if it’s going to be anymore, if it will be again. 

“Love you,” Louis whispers, reassuring himself more than Harry. It seems to work, because Harry’s pulling him in for a deep kiss. 

“Me too,” Harry says against his lips. “No matter what they say,” he manages to say before maneuvering Louis onto his back. Louis sighs with relief, maybe Harry’s finally going to- but he’s not. He’s moving Louis shirt from his body and then Harry lays his head against his chest, his hand resting over Louis’ stomach. 

Harry doesn’t say anything, and neither does Louis. He’s not sure what to say, even if he could, instead he closes his eyes, reveling in the feel of Harry so close again. His fingers slide through Harry’s curls, and Louis actually smiles, feels the warmth of it grow through him. For once, he doesn’t feel quite as scared.

 

“So,” Liam speaks up from his place in the back of the van, “ultrasound today, huh?” Louis nods, his hand finding Harry’s in the moment of acknowledgment. Liam suddenly smiles; the first Louis has seen him do in regards to the pregnancy. 

“At eleven o’clock,” Louis glances at his watch, though he knows it’s just half past seven. He knows they should be home within the hour, enough time for him to start freaking out, but Liam has suddenly upped that process. 

“You’ll get pictures, right?” Liam asks. Louis shrugs, glancing to Harry, who knows no more, but Liam speaks again, “You should definitely get some pictures.” 

“I’ll try,” he says softly. He looks to the front, making sure the driver can’t hear as he recalls the conversation with his doctor’s nurse the night before and sighs, “I don’t think it’s that sort of thing, though.” 

“What do you mean?” Zayn asks and Louis can see Niall scooting forward in interest. “They’re sort of making sure it’s normal.”

“Why?” Harry squeaks out, his hand tightening around Louis’ and he’s wishing he hadn’t said it at all now. “It’ll be fine, right?” 

“Well, the nurse said that it’s common to have complications,” Louis elaborates, wishing he’d just told Harry all this the night before, instead in front of everyone. He is barely used to the idea as it is. 

“What’s that mean then?” Zayn asks softly, “if there’s something wrong… are you going to be alright.”

“If there’s something wrong,” Louis lowers his voice, his fingers tightening around Harry’s, “then they’ll terminate the pregnancy.” 

“Lou,” Harry says softly, urging his eyes towards him. Louis bites his lip and leans towards him, letting his eyes falls closed when Harry presses their foreheads together, “It’s going to be okay.” 

“Isn’t this what you want, though?” Louis manages to say, speaking only to Harry, “a way out.” 

“No,” Harry shakes his head, “not anymore.” 

“I still say there should be pictures,” Liam speaks up, clapping his hand against his knee, “if everything’s alright.” 

“It’ll be fine,” Harry says with a firm nod. There’s a large dip on the road and the sway of the car has Louis grimacing, his stomach turning with the movements. He releases a slow breath and Harry whispers, knowingly, “Did you bring your crackers?” 

“No,” Louis murmurs, reaching for his bottle of water. He takes several drinks, but it’s not enough to calm the nausea. Harry looks like he wants to scold, but he doesn’t. He pulls Louis to lay his head in his lap, his hand rubbing the small bump of his stomach in slow circles. 

“Does anyone have crackers?” He speaks up, interrupting the conversation that continued around them. The boys shrug and look to each other helplessly, and Harry sighs, “We’re going to have to stop.” 

“What’s the matter?” Niall glances over to see Louis’ hand firm over his mouth. “Oh,” he grimaces and climbs over the front seat. The van starts to slow and Zayn slides his legs away, so Louis can climb right out. 

Louis lifts out of Harry’s lap when he hears the door open, and he barely makes it a meter before he loses the water he just drank. Harry’s there, rubbing his back as he crouches over the grass, releasing the yellow bile. They’d figured out eating crackers when he wakes up and he’s fine, but of course, the early start that morning made him forget. 

“We’ll stop and get some crackers,” Harry says and Louis nods, taking the bottle of water Harry hands to him. He rinses his mouth, groaning as he stands, it’s just a few moments later and his stomach starts to growl. “Maybe some breakfast,” he laughs and Louis nods, feeling his face redden as they step back towards the others. 

“Sorry,” Louis murmurs, sliding back inside. Since the day of the interviews, he hasn’t gotten sick in front of them once, only Harry. 

“I might have some Pepto-Bismol,” Liam murmurs, searching through his bag. 

“No, I think breakfast should do it,” Louis says, drinking more water. 

Liam stares in confusion and Louis sighs, “apparently that’s how it works, this morning sickness nonsense.” 

“You’re not going to get sick again?” he asks warily and Louis shrugs. 

“As long as there’s no onions,” smiling when Harry laughs, they’ve long since given up on getting Louis over that smell. “It’s the smell,” he explains when Zayn shakes his head in confusion, “that day at the interview… it was the smell.” 

“That’s why you left the other night?” Liam asks. Louis nods, recalling Liam’s dinner of steak and grilled onions, and Liam rolled his eyes, “Harry made it out like you guys-”

“Right,” Louis immediately scoffs, glancing over to a blushing Harry. “I wish that were the bloody reason.” 

“But-”

“No, he’s turned into a prude,” Louis growls and Harry swats at the back of his head. He feels the same arousal that’s been lingering for days, wishing Harry would just touch him, in the others’ presence or not.

“Why?” Niall asks, grinning as he glances between the two of them. 

“Not until we ask the doctor,” Louis mutters in a mocking tone. “I’ve been frustrated for weeks, boys, weeks.”

“Join the party,” Zayn laughs and Louis rolls his eyes. 

“You know,” Liam says in a serious tone, “about the onions or whatever else, you could’ve just told us.”

“I knew how upset you are, er, were,” Louis leans back into Harry, sighing when Harry’s arm wraps around him. 

“I guess, I didn’t know how to take it,” Zayn answers, making everyone glance to him. “This is a, it’s weird, sorry Lou. I’m still; I don’t know what to think.”

“Am I allowed to tell Dani?” Liam asks after a moment. He feels Harry tense up beside him, but Louis has a feeling why Liam asked. 

“When’d you tell her?” Louis groans and Liam shrugs, unable to make eye contact. Louis glances to Harry and sees the worry, “what’d she say?” 

“Honestly?” Liam chuckles softly, “she’s excited. She told me about the pictures, told me to make sure you get them.”

“Really?” Harry manages to squeak, “Sh-she was okay with it?” Louis grips Harry’s fingers, knowing how he’s worried about it, even if he didn’t say it out loud. 

“Yeah,” Liam admits, his cheeks flushing, “she told me I was being ridiculous.” Louis tries to laugh, but can’t find the ability at the thought of more people knowing. 

“We’re telling our mums today,” Harry admits softly. Louis leans forward, pressing his lips to Harry’s cheek, wary of his breath. “It’ll be okay, right?” he asks and Louis knows Harry wants an answer, but he doesn’t have it. 

“Yeah,” he finally nods, leaning into Harry’s shoulder, praying that he’s right. 

 

By the time they arrive at the doctor’s, Louis is a trembling mess of nerves. He knows Harry is just as worried, but he can’t help but accept the comfort that he’s providing. Harry lips on the edge of his skin, his hand on his back, his whispered words of encouragement, but Louis is still on the edge of tears. 

“Is it wrong?” Louis whispers to him, “to want it? After all this, it would be so much easier if it’s going to be over… but I don’t want it to be.” 

“I don’t want it either,” Harry says gently, “I want this, Lou, I want this with you. I know it’s crazy and there’s so many things, I just, I can’t imagine having to let go now.”

When Louis’ name is called, he grips Harry’s hand, unable to let go. His free hand is on his stomach, patting on the swelling that started just days before. They’re led into a small room, the machine with a television screen on one side of the bed, with a chair for Harry on the other side. 

“I drank all the water,” he admits, trying hold off the urge to piss. The tech laughs, and leads him towards the bed. 

“The doctor is going to come in with me,” she explains, “if you have further ones, he won’t be there, but this is a first for us, you being a male, the doctor insists on being present.”

“Okay,” Louis nods, climbing onto the bed. Harry stands beside him, gripping his hand, and they both turn as the door is opened. 

“Louis,” he greets warmly, “and Harry, I’m glad to see you here.” He says it so serious; Louis remembers the way he sent Harry out of the room at the initial appointment. 

“I wouldn’t be anywhere else,” he says softly, giving Louis’ hand a squeeze. “So what’s going to happen here?”

“Well, as Nancy explained the phone,” he says easily, sitting in the chair beside the tech, “first we’re going to check to make sure everything’s normal, then we’ll check size and placement. Louis you stated that morning sickness was the only grievance, no unusual pains or cramping?” 

“Not unless you count sexual frustration,” he grimaces. Harry gasps in surprise and Louis glances to see his cheeks bright red in color. 

“I wanted to make sure,” Harry spits out, glaring down at Louis, “that I wasn’t going to hurt anything, that’s all.” 

“I’d stay away from the rough side of things,” the doctor chuckles, “you know, whips and chains, that sort of thing, only light bondage.” 

“Oh, God,” Louis throws his head back as Harry laughs beside him, “you don’t have to worry about that, trust me.” 

“So it won’t hurt anything?” Harry confirms and the doctor nods. Harry’s fingers linger on Louis’ wrist, and he can feel the tremble, knowing exactly where Harry’s thoughts lie. 

“Okay,” the tech, Jamie, Louis reads her nametag, says, “This gel is going to be a little cool.” Louis nods, pulling his shirt a little higher, feeling exposed from how low she’d folded his waistband. His eyes are on the monitor, his fingers searching for Harry without looking. 

There’s an immediate pulse, quick and loud beating through the room and Louis’ eyes grow wide, trying to figure out what’s wrong. He can’t see anything on the screen, and his hand is a death grip on Harry’s, Harry’s other is gripping Louis’ shoulder. 

“Well, that’s good,” the doctor speaks, and Louis looks to him, “a nice strong heartbeat.” Louis gasps in surprise, his body clenching with the sound, a heartbeat, a strong heartbeat, his baby… no, their baby’s heartbeat. 

“It’s okay?” Harry breathes out, and Louis feels the same as the tremor in Harry’s voice. Louis keeps his eyes on the screen as she slides the thing around his stomach, seeing things on the screen but unable to make sense of them. Then suddenly she moves it just right and there it is, a baby. 

“There you go,” the doctor says gently, “hold it there,” he tells Jamie. He stands up, pointing to the monitor, “I see two arms, two legs, one head, and one torso. Keep going now,” he murmurs. The minutes pass as Jamie continues moving the wand around his stomach, getting every angle she can, getting the snapshots he tells her to, until the doctor stops her again. 

“What is it?” Louis whispers, wanting to sit up but afraid to move. 

“You’ve got yourself a healthy little baby,” he says with a wide grin. Louis falls back, his eyes closing, and he’s so overwhelmed. Every fear for the last days, everything he’s been scared of, everyone knowing, their thoughts are gone, only thing he can think is about their healthy baby. He can hear Harry beside him, and opens his eyes at the sound of the sniffle. 

Harry’s eyes aren’t on him though; they’re glued to the screen, his hands still on Louis. Scattered tears fall down his cheeks, until he closes his eyes, breathing in deep. Louis pulls his hand, slowly pulling Harry to his body. Harry’s eyes flicker to him, and then his lips are on Louis’; kissing him so deeply, Louis can’t help the tears that escape at the sensation, the realization that Harry wants this. 

“Lou,” Harry whispers, pulling back enough just to speak. His green eyes find Louis’ as he whispers, “we’re going to have a baby.” 

“Yeah,” Louis nods, unable to hide the smile that forms, “we are.”

After Louis cleans up his stomach, they wait in the room for the doctor to come back. He promises pictures and a firm update based on what he saw. He and Harry spend the time alone snogging, with Harry’s hands covering Louis tiny bump. 

“I love you,” Harry murmurs, “so much.” Louis groans softly, pressing his hips up to Harry, needing so much after every moment they’ve had apart. 

“Fuck,” he mumbles when Harry climbs into his lap. His hand moves behind his neck as he deepens the kiss, dipping Louis head backwards, to take more of him, anything he can get. “I need you,” Louis whispers, feeling his words drip with his desperation. 

“We’re going to your mum’s after,” Harry says, but doesn’t stop his movements, the press of his hips into Louis, “my mum’s going to be there.” 

“We’ll have to be late,” Louis says, dipping his hand into the back of Harry’s trousers. Harry starts to pull back, but Louis doesn’t loosen his hold, making Harry laugh. 

“He’s going to come back,” Harry whispers against his lips, slowing the kisses despite Louis’ insistence. “It’s going to be so good when we get home tonight, we’ll have all night, I promise.” 

“I want to go now,” Louis says, his voice low, “need you to make me cum now.” Harry groans, deep in his throat, and grips Louis’ hair. His lips explore his neck and Louis can’t hide the moan. Suddenly there’s a knock at the door, and it opens before either have a chance to pull away. 

“Celebrating already?” the doctor chuckles. “How about you separate before there’s a real mess on my table, yeah?” 

“Sorry,” Harry mumbles, while Louis holds in his groan of annoyance. He knows how obscene he must look, but doesn’t try to fix it while Harry adjusts his own clothing and hair. He sits beside Louis, his fingers tracing his wrist as the doctor sits in front of them. 

“I went through the images and I think you’ve got a small, but healthy baby,” he says easily. “Based on the start of your symptoms and the measurements we took, I’m going to say you’re about twelve weeks, which puts your due date at about April 10th.”

“April 10 th ,” Louis murmurs, sliding his hand into Harry’s open one. 

“Now, keep in mind, this is an estimate. I want to continue ultrasounds about every four weeks to track the progress,” he continues, “I know you’re busy, but you need to make sure to follow up with these. Male pregnancy tends to run a little shorter, symptoms show up sooner, as they did with you. Your body isn’t used to these hormones, so I’ve prescribed a hormone supplement that will make things easier.” 

“Okay,” Harry responds, and Louis knows he’s already calculating it all in his head.

“These will cause some joint and muscle pain, so it’s important you take them at the same time every day, preferably at night,” he smiles, “I imagine your morning sickness and fatigue should be fading soon, you’re starting your second trimester now.” 

“Wow,” Louis rubs a hand over his stomach, feeling the small bump, not noticeable by anyone else but him and Harry. 

“I am concerned about the size of the baby,” the doctor continued, “If you have any cramping, any pain, bleeding, you must immediately find a healthcare facility. You give them my card, and tell them to call me, you understand?” 

“What’s wrong with the size?” Harry asks gently, but Louis knows how he’s struggling to hide his worry. 

“I’m saying twelve weeks based on the development, the heartbeat and the start of Louis’ symptoms, the fact you two were apart for the majority of July,” he says easily, “but the baby is small for twelve weeks. Normally, with males, they show sooner and Louis still has a very small bump. That’s why it’s so important you get back here for the scans, okay?”

“It won’t be a problem,” Harry says. 

“What about the tour?” Louis whisper and Harry looks to him, his eyes without question. 

“It won’t be a problem, Lou,” he says quietly. Louis nods, tightening his hold on Harry’s hand. He turns to the doctor, “we’ll be here.” 

“You can call me any time, because you’re my first, Louis,” he explains with a grin, “and I want to make sure we’re on top of anything that might go wrong. You must stay hydrated, and don’t overexert yourself… I don’t want you running around too much at your concerts.” 

“It won’t be a problem,” Harry repeats, answering for him. Louis wants to roll his eyes, but he can’t, not with the way Harry’s determined to take care of him. 

“If your boss, manager, whomever, has questions, they can call me,” Louis shakes his head, this is the part he wants to take care of himself. Harry starts to speak, but Louis stops him with a shake of his head. 

“Thanks, doc,” Louis says, feeling nervous as he accepts the folder. He wants to look at all the pictures, but wants to wait until they’re alone. 

“You take care, call us when you can be here,” he explains, “and we’ll make sure to get you in, alright?” 

Harry nods, shaking his hand, and then Louis, and they’re finally leaving. It’s after lunchtime, and Louis can’t speak as Harry leads them to his car. 

They’re supposed to drive right to the train station but Louis doesn’t want to. He wants to bask in the happiness he feels at Harry’s side. 

“Are you okay?” Harry asks after a moment. They’re sitting in the car, but they haven’t moved yet. Louis holds the folder tight in his hands, not yet able to open it. 

“I think so,” he nods, thinking over all the doctor has told them, warned him about. He looks to Harry, feeling the familiar fear, “we’re going to be okay, right?” 

“Yeah,” Harry takes his hand over the console, squeezing his fingers, “yeah, no matter what anyone says, yeah?” 

“Should we take the pictures?” Louis asks quietly as Harry starts the car. He nods, silent, and Louis holds his hand tighter, knowing what’s coming. “We’re still going to fuck tonight, right?”

“You really are hard up, eh?” Harry laughs and Louis groans, pressing Harry’s hand to where he’s still half hard in his trousers. 

“For weeks, Haz, you’ve deprived me,” Louis chuckles darkly, groaning as Harry starts massaging him gently, much too slow to get him off. “God, you can’t do this to me,” he mumbles, closing his eyes. 

“Do what?” he laughs, pressing his palm in deliberate movements. He slides the zipper down, slipping his hand inside, and Louis can’t contain his noises. His hips buck into Harry’s hand, so slow, tantalizing through the cotton of his pants. 

“We’re here,” Harry murmurs. Louis opens his eyes to the parking complex, unaware they’d even been driving that long. “Push your seat back,” Harry says softly, and Louis complies without a thought. Harry opens his seatbelt and wordlessly crawls over the console. 

“What?” Louis gasps when Harry doesn’t climb into his seat, instead crouching awkwardly at his knees. “Oh, fuck,” he whispers as Harry pulls his cock free, his tongue already around the head. 

“Let me take care of you,” Harry mumbles against him, no longer teasing as he wraps his mouth around girth of him. Louis can’t help the expletives that escape, his hands in Harry’s hair, bringing him further down. He keeps swallowing, bringing more of Louis into his mouth, and Louis knows he can’t last long. 

“Shit,” Louis groans as he bucks his hips, making Harry cough around him but he doesn’t pull off. Suddenly he’s hallowing his cheeks, sucking harder, trapping Louis’ cock in his mouth. He groans as Louis grips his hair, and the vibrations are enough, and Louis is coming, his body tense and seizing as Harry swallows each pulse of cum. 

“Better,” Harry says almost teasingly, his voice low and rough. Louis nods, a smile coming across his face. Harry rises, pressing a wet kiss to his cheek, “Come on now, you git, we really have to go.” 

 

The warm mood fades quickly as they find their seats on the train. He knows the ride won’t be long enough for what’s going to come at his childhood home. Telling his mother he was gay was not nearly as terrifying as this, and even Harry’s trembling hold on his hand does nothing to ease his worries.

There’s so much he needs to say before they get there, he wants a plan, figuring out who’s going to talk, to reveal what Louis has growing inside him. He needs to know what to say when his mother gets upset, because deep down, he knows she will. He knows how to she feels about this, about the men who get themselves pregnant. Now he’s one of them, one of the people she’s always shunned. This is the part he hasn’t told Harry, he didn’t know how, and it’s too late.

“Maybe I should go alone?” Louis says quietly. Harry looks to him in surprise, but Louis still can’t elaborate. “It’s not really you, you know? It’s just happening to me.”

“No, no,” Harry immediately shakes his head. He starts to reach to Louis’ stomach, but with a quick look around, stops himself, sighing, “This is both of us, from here on out… I promised you, remember?”

“I know, but-” Louis closes his eyes as his emotions start flailing again. He reaches a hand over his eyes, but can’t hold back the sniffles that escape. Harry pulls him into his side, quietly shushing his tears back, and Louis doesn’t try to pull away. He can’t, not from Harry.

“It’s you and me,” Harry whispers softly as the train slows. Louis pulls his hand away, spotting their stop ahead and looks to Harry, there’s no hiding his fear anymore. “It’s alright,” he whispers, but he’s not speaking to Louis anymore.

The taxi ride is short and Louis sits, gripping the folder of pictures in his hand, the papers he’d initially shown everyone else in his other. His entire body is shaking, shivering with the fear and Harry continues to look over at him, obviously put off by Louis’ reaction.

“Come here,” Harry whispers when they’re nearly there. Louis looks over and with a few blinks, scattered tears fall to his cheeks. Harry quickly wipes them away, bringing Louis to him, their lips meeting gently. It’s supposed to reassure him and any other time it might’ve, but not for this.

“They’re going to react like you did,” Louis whispers. Harry stiffens, his hands tensing on Louis’ cheeks, but he doesn’t pull away.

“They won’t,” Harry tries to say, but it isn’t believable. “I’m so sorry, alright?” he says quietly, giving the apology he never did, “I didn’t mean a word of it, and they won’t either.”

“Okay,” Louis says when the taxi stops. Harry pays the driver and Louis waits for him, he can’t do it alone, he shakes his head. Harry rests his hand on the small of his back, easing him forward, and for the moment, he’s alright. The door opens before they approach, both of their mums waiting with open arms.

“Hello, my Lou,” his mum pulls him tight and Louis wraps one arm around her, the other holding the folder tight against his chest. “I’ve missed you,” she murmurs and Louis can hear the tears in her voice. They pull back and she turns to Harry, “you taking care of my boy?”

“Of course,” Harry nods, sliding his hand into Louis’.

“You alright, Lou?” she asked suddenly, “you look like you’ve been crying. It can’t be because of me,” she laughs, glancing to Anne.

“You both look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Anne speaks up, “Jay, put on some tea.” Louis doesn’t try to fight it, he was hoping to wait, but it’s obvious he can’t. He doesn’t know how to pretend he’s alright, and Harry’s hand tightens as they sit in the main room.

“The girls should be here in a while,” his mum speaks, sitting in the loveseat near him. “Are you alright?”

“No, um-” Louis starts, but Harry gives his hand a squeeze, speaking for them.

“There’s something we should talk about,” he says gently, “before they get here.” His fingers grip Louis’ and though it hurts, Louis only gives him a squeeze back. Their mother’s look to each other and Louis pulls the stapled papers, now crumpled from the times he’s read it, and reaches it out forward.

“What’s this?” his mother asks but Louis shakes his head. He can’t say it out loud, and his eyes close tight at the gasp leaving her lips. “Are you pulling some sort of prank here?”

“What is it?” Harry’s mother asks and Louis glances to see her taking the paper from his mother’s shaking hands.

“It’s not a joke,” Louis whispers. “I’ve got the gene,” he manages to say, “and Harry-”

“Does Harry have it?” Anne speaks up, her voice filled with worry.

“I don’t know,” Harry says quietly. “We know Louis has it because-”

“No,” his mother shakes her head, “Not you? What have you done to yourself?”

“I didn’t do it, mum,” Louis says desperately, “I didn’t mean for this to happen. I swear.” He lets go of Harry’s hand, moves to stand, but he can’t, not with the look in her eyes.

“I don’t understand,” Anne speaks.

“My son,” Jay answers for them, “has gotten himself knocked up like some bloody whore.” Harry’s hand grasps Louis’ arm, and the gasp that leaves his mouth echoes through the room.

“It’s not like that,” Harry defends him. “We had no idea… I didn’t, I mean, this, we didn’t know, I swear we didn’t know.”

“You’re having a baby?” Anne asks and Louis nods. “It’s yours?” she asks Harry. He nods, biting his lip.

“We have pictures,” Harry says softly. He reaches for the folder, but Louis can’t release it, not until his mother says it’s okay.

“Can I see?” she asks Harry. He nods, slowly easing the folder from Louis’ arms, keeping his hand on Louis’ thigh. Louis sees Harry’s mother stand, and Harry leans over to him, his lips to Louis’ ear.

“I’ll be right back,” he whispers, pressing his lips to Louis’ cheek. He doesn’t want him to leave, but he knows it’ll be better. “Alright?” Louis nods, glancing to him once as he follows his mother into the kitchen, leaving him alone.

“Mum?” Louis whispers, biting his lip as his eyes fill with tears. “Please,” he wants to reach out to her, but he can’t, she won’t even look at him.

“You should go before your sisters arrive,” she says softly. Louis nods, his throat thickening but he can’t cry in front of her, not until she calms down. She just needs to calm down and she’ll see it’s alright. Louis stands and follows the sounds of voices, and finds Harry and his mother arguing quietly in the kitchen.

“She thinks you shouldn’t go on tour,” Harry mutters, “as though I can’t take care of you.” Louis pulls a hand over his face, fighting it, but the sob escapes. Harry pulls him close, and Louis can’t stop the cries that start, the tears falling down his cheeks.

“We have to go,” Louis manages to say, “Before my sisters arrive.” Harry’s fingers thread through his hair and Louis can feel him nod, his body trembling with the silent tears, forcing the sobs away.

“Let’s go,” Anne speaks and Louis realizes she’s coming with them. “We’ll talk outside, yeah?” Louis hears Harry talking to her, but Louis stays tucked in his body as he leads him out the door.

“I can’t do this,” Louis says suddenly, his voice escaping in quiet gasps. Harry keeps moving him as he rambles, doesn’t even know where he’s going, “I can’t, and this is crazy, so crazy. I can’t, I can’t have this baby.”

“Stop it,” Harry cries out, making Louis pause everything. He opens his eyes, realizing they’re standing in front of the open door of Anne’s car. Louis watery eyes meet Harry’s, his tone sharp, “you stop this, Lou. You are going to be fine; I am going to be fine. We’ll figure out this whole bloody mess together, you got that.”

Louis nods dumbly and climbs into the car, Harry following him into the back seat. They sit for several moments, and Harry glances over to him, releasing a low sigh. Louis wipes his cheeks, the tears stopping as they sit in the car.

“I can still tour,” Louis says finally, making Anne laugh from the front seat. She starts the car and Louis looks to Harry, “where we going?”

“We’ll stay at mine for a few days,” he explains quietly. “We don’t have anything until next week, yeah?”

“Are you sure that’s okay?” Louis whispers, fearing it all. He glances to Anne, seeing her watch them through the mirror, “I don’t want to impose.”

“I’m not angry with you two,” she sighs, glancing back to the road. “It’s unexpected, and you’ve got to be positively terrified.”

“We are,” he says softly.”I didn’t mean for this, any of it, and Harry, when he heard-”

“Don’t tell her,” Harry mutters quickly and Louis stops speaking, though it wasn’t what he was going to say.

“Harry Edward, am I going to want to hear this?” she asks and Louis holds back a smile, his hand reaching for Harry’s.

“Most likely not,” he says, cringing as he glances to Louis. She sighs and Harry groans, “Look, it was unexpected, I didn’t know what to say, alright?”

“It’s okay,” Louis whispers but Harry shakes his head.

“It’s really not,” he murmurs, and Louis looks to Anne, realizing she’s waiting for an explanation. “Look, I had a momentary lapse, it was fine later on.”

“What did you do?” she asks, her voice softening.

“Look I sort of broke up with him, just for a few hours,” he exclaims. Anne gasps loudly and Louis feels like an outsider, watching it all.

“Louis, you poor thing,” she croaks and Harry chuckles darkly.

“What about me, mum?” he responds, his voice even louder, “I was hurting, too.”

“You weren’t the one with the surprise baby growing inside you,” she remarks, tsking as she shakes her head. “I’m glad Louis was kind enough to take you back after that nonsense.”

“Me too,” Harry mumbles, and Louis can’t help the smile creeping over his cheeks, though he knows he shouldn’t be. “So, is Gemma home?” Harry asks after a moment of silence.

“Yeah,” Anne nods, “she should be alright with it. I’m sure once you show her the pictures, she’ll be thrilled.”

“Did you see them?” Louis asks quietly.

“No, didn’t get a chance,” she answers, “but it’s the first thing we’re doing when we get there.” Louis nods, feeling his smile grow at the thought. Harry has the folder in his lap and Louis reaches out, finding Harry’s hand.

“It’s okay,” Louis says softly, waiting for Harry’s gaze to turn.

He finally does and Louis moves his free hand to Harry’s cheek, gently easing his lips to his own. He knows he shouldn’t be doing it in front of Anne, but Harry’s still there, when he had the choice, he chose to stay. Louis can’t help the warmth that fills his chest at the realization, the knowledge that Harry doesn’t have to be there, but he still is.

“You’re amazing, Lou,” Harry speaks lowly, breathing against his lips, “I’m so glad to be here with you, despite everything, I’m happy.”

“Yeah?” Louis needs the assurance. Harry meets his lips again, his hand moving to the nape of Louis’ neck as his mouth moving along his jaw to his ear.

“Tonight, I’m not breaking that promise,” he whispers quietly, his fingers tightening in Louis’ hair, “I’m going to show you exactly how much you mean to me.”

“What about…?”

“No,” Harry shakes his head, his free hand moving to Louis’ thigh, squeezing with only one meaning, “I need you to know how much you mean to me.”

“I love you, too,” Louis says softly, finding Harry’s lips once again, uncaringly deepening the kiss to display all he needs to.

 

Gemma walks in as Anne opens the folder, and little explanation is needed after that. She’s surprised, but as she glances at the photos, the idea of becoming an aunt is all it takes to have her warming to the idea. Despite their emotional day, Louis finds himself smiling and laughing over dinner, feeling as though he hasn’t lost everyone.

“Is there a bump?” Gemma asks suddenly as Harry has his hand pressed to Louis’ stomach. They’re standing against the counter and she reaches without an answer, “I didn’t even think of it before.”

“It’s small,” Harry grimaces, and Louis knows he’s thinking of the doctor’s visit. “Hopefully it’ll be bigger soon.”

“Let me see,” she exclaims. Louis groans, but allows Harry to lift his shirt, showing off the roundness to his normally flat stomach. “Oh my God,” she gasp, pressing her hand flat against it, “can you feel anything?”

“You mean the baby?” Louis asks and she nods. “No, I read it could be a few months yet, two or three or something.”

“I’ll have to buy you that book,” she murmurs, her eyes calculating, “I think they made a movie out of it?”

“Yeah,” Anne agrees, “I think they did. What to Expect When You’re Expecting.”

“The doctor said it won’t be exactly like a woman’s,” Louis says hesitantly, glancing to Harry. Harry’s hand is still rubbing his stomach, smiling as he stares down. “And the due date isn’t for certain.”

“I know,” she groans, making Louis laugh loudly. “And April is a good month, you know, but so is March. I hear the summer time’s an awful time to be pregnant, the swollen feet and everything.”

“My feet are going to swell?” Louis gasps, glancing down to his bare feet. He wiggles his toes and moans, pouting at Harry, “What have you done to me?”

“Nothing you didn’t want, babe,” he smirks, causing them both to laugh. Louis leans forward, appreciating the way Harry’s lips press to his without hesitation.

“You guys are sickening,” Gemma says, breaking them apart.

“I just can’t believe you,” Louis says with a smile, leaning his head on Harry’s shoulder. “Everyone’s had these awful reactions, but you… you’re excited right away.”

“I’m sure Harry’s wasn’t bad,” Gemma says quickly, picking up the rest of the plates. Louis tenses, leaning against Harry, but his mother speaks before any rebuttal can be made.

“He broke up with him, that twat,” Anne says loudly, making Gemma gasp in disgust.

“He did not,” she says quickly, turning to glare at Harry. She leans forward, pressing her lips to both of Louis’ cheeks, “you poor baby, stuck with a boy like that.”

“It’s over, I’ve forgotten it,” Louis defends, keeping his hand in Harry’s, “you should forget it, too.” Gemma rolls her eyes, but apparently agrees, moving back to the table.

“When will you know the sex?” she asks quickly, her eyes growing wide with the thought.

“Ooh, you should have a girl, such cute clothes,” she exclaims, “I’ve got this friend at uni, she makes her own clothes, and I bet I could convince her to make something.”

“I don’t know,” Louis shakes his head. Glancing at Harry, he realizes with everything else, they haven’t even talked about it. “Maybe we should be surprised,” he bites his lip, eyes on Harry.

“You don’t want to know ahead of time?” he asks. Louis shrugs and a smile forms on Harry’s lips, “I think it would be a good surprise.”

“It might not work,” Louis shrugs, “with all the sonograms and stuff.” Harry nods and leans his head on Louis’ shoulder, his hand finding his stomach again.

“Can I come?” Gemma asks hesitantly, “at least to one of them?” Harry nods, grinning, and Louis can’t believe he could’ve missed out on this.

“Yeah, it’ll be great,” Louis nods. He glances to Harry, sighing softly, “maybe one my sisters can come once, too.”

“Your mum will come around,” Harry says quietly, his arms wrapping around Louis torso. He presses a soft kiss to Louis’ neck, “she doesn’t know what she’s missing.”

“I know,” Louis murmurs, glancing to where Gemma is talking to her mother about the pictures. “I didn’t know it could be like this.”

“Me neither,” Harry nods against his shoulder. “You ready for bed?” Harry’s voice lowers and Louis bites his lip as he glances back, disbelief in his own answer.

“Not yet,” he admits, pressing his lips to the corner of Harry’s, “a little while longer, yeah?”

“Hey,” Gemma speaks up, “can I scan these on the computer?” Louis starts to nod, but Harry says no right away.

“Just not yet,” he says quickly, glancing to Louis, “if they got out accidentally… just wait, okay?” Gemma nods, but it’s obvious she’s bummed.

“When are you going to tell?” she asks quietly, sitting at the now clean table beside Anne. Louis sits on the opposite side, Harry following, moving his chair closer than necessary.

“No one knows yet,” Louis sighs, leaning into Harry. “Liam told Danielle, and obviously Zayn and Niall. My mum and then you guys, and I’m sure Harry will tell Robin when he gets home.”

“Yeah,” Anne nods, the mood gone from excited to somber. “I’m really worried about you touring, though. What if something goes wrong?”

“I can take care of him,” Harry growls. Anne rolls her eyes, and gives Harry a look that makes him shrink back.

“Look, Harry, how many of these births actually go to term?” she asks. “I think that paper said ten last year, and by what you said about your doctor visit, he doesn’t know much more. There’s a lot of risk here.”

“I’ll be alright,” Louis says quietly, not ready to admit how much sense she’s making. “We have his card, he told us to see a doctor right away if something goes wrong.”

“I think you should consider staying behind,” Anne says gently, “Louis could stay here while you’re gone… he won’t be alone.”

“We’ll talk about it,” Harry finally responds. Louis finds his hand, interlocking their fingers against Harry’s leg.

“Thank you,” Louis says as sincerely as he can. A yawn escapes him, and he stretches with it, feeling the familiar ache in his back.

“You two go on,” Anne says with a smile, “we’ll talk more tomorrow.” Gemma stands and Louis is surprised when she pulls him in for a hug, pressing her lips to his cheek before she walks away.

Harry leads them up the stairs to his room, and Louis sighs when Harry closes the door. He stands in the center of the room, but jumps with surprise as Harry suddenly crowds his space. His hands find the sides of Louis’ face, pulling him in for a deep kiss. He leads Louis backwards, until he’s lowering him to the bed.

“Don’t start what you can’t finish,” Louis mumbles and Harry chuckles as he climbs over him, his legs on either side of Louis’ hips.

“I plan to finish,” Harry says, “more than once, if you’re up for it.” Louis groans, his hands smoothing across Harry’s bare skin, pulling his shirt from his body. Harry lowers his body, pressing into Louis, and Louis feels overwhelmed again, as though he might cry.

“Haz?” he asks softly, stopping Harry’s movements. Louis stares up at him, and bites his lip, feeling like he’s ruining everything. “Will you just- can you…?” he can’t finish the words, closing his eyes in frustration.

“Louis,” Harry prods, moving his hands across his torso where his shirt had slid up. Louis opens his eyes when Harry starts kissing down his chest, until he reaches his stomach. He wants to move, but he can’t let himself breathe as Harry’s lips move across the bump. He’s not even kissing, his lips moving, and with a stuttered gasp, Louis realizes he’s talking, to their baby.

**Author's Note:**

> I realise this chapter is short, but the other do get quite a bit longer. I think one of the months is nearly 30k.


End file.
